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Thursday, November 09, 2006
“I hate it when you open your mouth.”
( angry and insulting)
“I TOO hate it when you TOO open your mouth.”
(Angry, insulted ,eager to strike back)
“Shut up! Both of you.. Don’t start in the morning itself..!!”
(loud and commanding)
Snippets of conversation I heard from inside a hut during my morning walk today.. An old woman lives there with her son and daughter-in-law.
I couldn’t help agreeing with her..
We all have this tendency to score and win during our arguments.
We use hostility, rudeness, sarcasm, finger pointing and idle threats, to win at any cost..
We even bring up unrelated issues from the past..
These only serve the purpose of only hurting the other person.. destroying relationships..
The basic issue is often never addressed..
Let us avoid the instantaneous 'tit for tat' responses..
Let us try to solve the problem in a clear and honest manner.. Present our point of view respecting and validating the feelings of the other person..
Let us be conciliatory.. Reasonable..
It is always better to avoid emotive statements isnt it..?
Let us not jump into conclusions before the other person finishes speaking.. Let us face the facts with an open mind without trying to interpret (often wrongly) the other persons motive..
Maybe we need time to cool down before the discussion..
If so , let us shut up, hold out tongue, grit our teeth and if possible keep smiling..!
Posted by hope and love at 11/09/2006 01:50:00 PM
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think twice before burdening a friend with a secrets - bayan.
yea ...its best to keep our mouths shut when we are too angry...
but its practically very difficult to do so na...i usually dont shout,but i start crying....i cry n cry till the other person feels guilty(this im talking about 'in-family' matters)...
ur previous post about meeting jaggu was very sweet!
we need more smiles per hour :)
It is the best option to solve differences amicably. But it is very difficult to practice, especially keeping the mouth shut when we are angry :-)
i need to learn something from this...i hate myself when i fly off into a rage at the losing end of a fight...i keep chanting to myself those beautiful lines from kipling
"If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,"
...sometimes it works...its so stupid to say sorry afterwards.
but easilier said than done, if someone is insulting than the venom to strike back is just there like magic and in lots of quantities..
Awesome!!! Just awesome doc!!!
I have seen this in people too... the inability to admit that you are wrong, the inability to say "sorry" and the attitude that one must have the last word at any cost...we grow physically as adults but in our minds we remain stunted in growth.
Hmm..when someone is angry or shouting at me I first look at his / her face and try to understand what in the World has happend .... and the anger is justified.. I do say sorry and move on. I know it would be hard to believe but I dont remember myself shouting or getting angry at anyone but myself...
100% true true true!!!!!!!!!1
I think we should just go with only on phrase"Let it go"...
Then u see life will be heaven
So true!As they say, it takes two to tango. If one party curbs his/her to retaliate in kind then the possibility of that uneasy situation exploding into something worse is a lot less. But I also feel, keeping quiet about it, when there is an underlying issue, and just escaping altogether is not the way out either.
thats true.. but unfortunately, the mind goes blank and your actions come out without thinking... thats what the anger does.. and to control that you need to think..!..
How right you are. Even Mother Teresa expressed reservatins of verbal conversations. Management literature is replete with how one should respond and not react?
late to read this.. i was shouting at the uto wallah early morning and used all the tricks under sun to pin him don.. no use.. and i used all these techniques.. i shoutde.. pointed my fingers (got it almost inside his eyes) and i even flexed whatvere muscles i have on my arms.. he din give a damn. i had to pay what he asked..
doc, u knw hw this piece drastically changed my mood now. i was steaming hot before i started reading this :-) thanx :-)
great food for thought. thanks... :)
U r so deep with your observations. It stand in the same shoes of reality. I like your comment about the human tendency to drag some unrelated things/issues in the past to win an argument against somebody.
So deep in thoughts like U
Everytime I determine to do that, I open my mouth again that same day itself. Let me bind to the principle!
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