Thursday, September 29, 2005


I still remember my first glimpse of the institute. The morning mist sweeping down the valley gave a mystical air to the old palace… It was spring.. The mountain side was blooming.

The campus was magnificent.. Lots and lots of huge trees.. Shady spots to sit besides still pools.. Proud peacocks strutted along perfectly manicured lawns.. Vibrant flower beds.. Dahlias.. Roses.. I fell in love at first sight..

The institute .. A renovated palace was not only a hospital.. But an excellent research center in Psychiatry..
I inhaled the cold crisp mountain air deeply.. I felt exhilarated..! Senior residency in psychiatry !! A subject that mesmerized me!!
And that too under the guidance of Dr Gidwani !!! . One of the topmost psychiatrists in India..!! An icon among the medical fraternity..

I was looking forward to my training with deep pleasure.

But oddly it was not psychiatry that I learned there.. Infact I gave up my dream to be a psychiatrist.. But I was taught a different lesson at the institute.. As to what love could be..

For me love had been a practical arrangement. You loved the person you married or married the person you loved.. I was taught. Yes Sex was a basic need. There would be kids. Your partner cared for your family. A life long commitment.

My marriage had already been fixed. Age, height, education , family, and community..... Especially community, had been given due consideration. I had met him a few times.. A nice sort of person.

But at the Institute I witnessed an extraordinary love. It didn’t fall into any classification that my concept based mind was used to. They didn’t even know that it was love. It just existed and it was precious as life itself.

I know that they will never get married. But then marriage was never contemplated. But what makes me sad is the fact that they will never share that love.

I could have made a difference in their lives… but I was too timid.. And they had to pay the prize..
(To be continued)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Golden Days..

“Backward, turn backward O time in your flight,
Make me a child again just for tonight”

The blue waves broke merrily into surging white foam as they wished me a “Happy Onam”.

The vast ocean shimmered in the golden sunlight.The white fluffy clouds smiled at me lazily.. Seagulls cried.

I sat at the Kovalam beach sipping iced lemon tea..

My mind lingered on those good old sunny days.. The joy and delight of Onam as a child.. Aminja's laughter leading the rest.. the whole brood would gather around her..

Red dragon flies.. banana chips.. heaping our baskets with wild flowers for Athappo.. Molten Chakkara to be licked off on freshly prepared Sarkkarapuratti.. rushing from one swing to the next and swinging away to our hearts content..
The elaborate 'Onasadhya..'

I signed..

Onam was so different now. We had brought the boys for a swim at the beach.. The cell could ring any time.. I was on call duty..

We could fool around the beach till mid morning.. have a late breakfast.. drive along the Kovalam and Vizinjam beaches till noon... Back to the city in time for ‘Onasadya’ at the Residency Towers’
The cell rang as we drove into our car porch..
Dr Manoj.. The duty doctor.
“A patient has been brought dead in the casualty.. Cause of death not known”
“Don’t issue a Death Certificate… Be soft with the family. Convince them for a Postmortem examination if they insist for a Death Certificate. Ring me if I am needed there.” I spoke briskly.
The boys switched on the TV as soon as we walked into our house.. Peeps went straight to get ready.. He had some work in his office..
I decided to take a nap.. Nice after the Sun, Sand and Sea.
“After I deal with the beach cloths.” I chided myself.
"And maybe make a payasam in the evening.. after all it is Onam.. and I am a Mom..!!"

Monday, September 12, 2005

Me about myself...

Geo and jithu have tagged me .
So here I go…!!

7 things I plan to do before I die!!

1. Learn the language of flowers, birds, wind, clouds and rain.
2. Bring up my boys to become honorable men.
3. Live each day happily .. Spread hope and love wherever I go( In fact that’s my personal mission statement.)
4. Spend six months sabbatical in a lonely cottage somewhere in the nilgiris.
(English countryside used to be my dream but I think wishing for the nilgiris would be more realistic. )
5. Write a bestseller.(expressing my inner self)
6. Grow old gracefully.
7. Live in a manner that I am remembered only with love and affection after my death.

7 things I can do !!

1. Love foolishly.
2. Spoil my boys rotten.
3. Ooze confidence even when I tremble inside.
4. Be very bitchy.
5. Gobble up ten diary milks at one stretch.
6. Get Giggling fits in very solemn and tense situations. (esp. if im with people I know have the same hysterical reaction.. !!my mom says it’s hereditary.. my grandma had it ..!and so do many of my cousins and sisters..!!)
7. Find ecstasy in silence and solitude.

7 things I can’t do !!

1. Hurt a person knowingly.
2. Refuse a request for help.
3. Stop nagging my boys.
4. Pass a pink dress in the store and not try it on.
5. Keep my nails unpainted.
6. Be without a book to read.
7. Not kiss his dimples when he smiles that special smile.

7 things that I find attractive in the opposite sex !!

1. Power and leadership.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Style.
4. Creativity.
5. Sexy voice.
6. Dimples
7. Golden brown eyes.

(While all these may attract me its integrity, dependability and stability that keeps me)

7 things I say most !!

1. Ok.
2. Hhhmmmm…
3. Eda/edi
4. Aiyoo..!
5. Kidilam!!!
6. Ithu pole nalla oru m-o-t-h-e-r/bharyene vere evide kittum..?!!(To my boys..Ya I use the spelling with them/peeps)
7. Vazakkondakkathe..(Iv to keep saying this cos my boys keep bickering and fighting the whole time..)
8. Enthamma..?(That’s how I always address my women patients first.. and they love it..!)

7 celebrity crushes !!

1.Richard Gere
2.Rajeev Gandhi
3. Kapil Dev
4. Mel Gibson
5. Sharukhan
7. Emran hashmi(The current one.)
8. Jeyan:)) (True my dear babies..!! we used to love the good old bell bottom Jeyan..!!

7 people I want to take this quiz.

The think.

I recommend this quiz strongly.. Its therapeutic for your soul..!!
Special Thanks to my dear Geo and Jithu !

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


“Thou knowest not where of thou speakest” the angel said.”

“There is no tragedy only the avoidable.Everything has its reason for being. Thou needest only distinguish what is temporary from what is lasting”

What is temporary?” asked Elijah

“The unavoidable.”

“And what is lasting?”

“The lessons of the unavoidable.”

-Paulo Coelho.( The Fifth Mountain)

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Reaching out-3

Yes I needed to see my boys.. They always make me happy. And it was high time I talked to them ..About sex.. Condoms and AIDS
After dinner I went up to their room. I sat on the bed and told them about Arjun..
“Very smart boy” I told them sadly. “Exactly the type of boy I want you to grow up to be.”
“So you want us to be AIDS patients when we grow up.?” Gautam grinned at me..
“ I knew you would ask that” I laughed.
I started speaking. About sex.. Condoms.. And AIDS.

Gautam lay sprawled on the bed. He pretended not to hear. His face wore an exaggerated bored expression. Taj’s expressive eyes betrayed him. He started to giggle.

“So be careful when you grow up.. Don’t play around with your girlfriends and get AIDS.” I grinned at them
“ We can play around mama” Taj grinned back. Only.. We should use condoms!”
Oh. Oh?! I was surprised..!! So my babies knew..!!
Yes mama.. Taj quipped back.” No Condoms..No Sex..!!”
My heart lightened..
I hugged him tight.. and kissed his chubby cheeks..