Sunday, October 09, 2005


In depressed patients there is a deficiency of certain chemicals in the brain.. These 'feel good factors' or endorphins are released in the body after brisk walking, exercise, dancing etc.
But severely depressed patients don’t feel like moving their bodies.

Maybe it was the overenthusiasm of a novice… The idealism of a fresher.. Maybe I wanted to achieve quick results and impress Dr Gidwani.. Maybe the madness around me had rubbed off on me too..
I decided to take Ullas and Lekha the two patients with depression for brisk walking daily..

I introduced them to one another but they didn’t even bother to look at each other.

So off we would go. Along the winding paths in the campus.. On the mountainside.. I would chat to them.. About the birds we saw.. My mom.. My medical school.. My fiancé...
I don’t know if they were listening to me .. They never responded.

After the walk we would sit in my fav spots enjoying the silence..

A month passed.. I hadn’t made any progress..

Then one day something happened.

I was walking a little ahead of them talking non stop. Suddenly I head them giggling..Usualy there was only a complete silence between them..

I was amazed..!

I turned back. They both stared back at me wide eyed and innocent.. The giggling had stopped. Wondering what was going on I turned back and continued to walk
Again the giggling..! I was about to turn back when I felt a tuft of my hair being pulled..!
OMG !!
I was being teased by my mad patients..! What sort of a psychiatrist would I make..?!

I felt furious..!!!.

I turned back and saw Ullas standing just behind me.. He was holding a butterfly in his hand.. Lekha was jumping with joy as he placed the butterfly on her out stretched hand.
Both their faces were glowing. There were stars in their eyes.

I had the breakthrough I wanted!!!

The butterfly flew away but the animation stayed. For the first time I saw a smile on their faces.. For the first time all the three of us were happy together..

I was excited.!!

I started taking them for walks regularly.. I tried to push them together whenever time permitted.

I am guilty.

I was slow to notice the love that bloomed between them..

I never imagined a love of that fervor would develop between them.. I didn’t know that love of that ardor existed.. In novels and movies yes.. But not in real life.. And never among two people didn’t who even know their own names..

Besides that I was too busy.. Clinical meetings.. Ward work.. Presentations..

One morning I was returning to my room after attending to one patient.. It was about 6. Am.I entered the common room to collect some notes I had kept there.

I stood shocked at the sight…

Ullas was sitting with his back on the wall and sleeping.. Lekha was curled up on the ground with her head on his lap. Their hands were clasped loosely even in their drugged sleep..

I should have put an end to it then and there..

I am guilty again..

Maybe I was a romantic fool.. Maybe I thought love would transform them. Maybe I wasn’t tough enough..

I was bewitched by the fervor of their love.. Their anguish on separation.. Their absolute tranquility on being together..

But what was a miracle for me was a joke for the rest of the world.. It was adultery.. It was a mad desire..
Soon I was the laughing stock of the hospital..
(To be continued)


Geo said...


Jo said...

I think it is wonderful. If love could bring such a joy into their life and it looks it is not just physical, so it seems very nice. Perhaps they were depressed that nobody was caring for them?

Okay, my imagination kaadu kayarunnu. I will wait for the next episode. :-)

Mrs. Dalloway said...

All I can do, is but quote Samuel Johnson. 'Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.'

Sujit said...

The quote.. overenthusiasm of a novice… and The idealism of a fresher.. this is really true for most of them who enter any insititute or university. Being seriors some its nice to see that enthusiasm...

The joy of seeing lekha and ullas giggle at butterly.. must have been a really happiest moment.... waiting the next episode..

silverine said...

So they emerged out of their cocon due to a butterfly? Wow! I thought such things happens only in romantic novels. Really touching first part. Am actually looking forward to the second part, whatever the outcome.

-Poison- said...

playing god...

divya said...

visited ur blog for the first time..we do have a few things in common..

Aditi said...

please continue...

the Monk said...

beautiful...keep postin...

Aashi said...

Then?? did they become alright or did thier condition worsen??..
anyways,dont feel guilty ,whatever u did,u did in good spirit,not to harm them..

Aashi said...

U have written about two mad ppl falling in love na…yesterday I happened to read this story from the bestseller authors.It was about David and Kimberlee…both were suffering from Cystic Fibrosis(At a time when there were no proper medicines to treat it)…they fell madly in love with each other.and insite of all odds and opposition from the society and thier parents,who knew that life would become very difficult for two sick ppl...,they got married.Their married live alternated between hospital and their love home…still thiey never complained and tried to help each other as much as possible..finally David died and two days later Kimberlee too left the world to join his husband in heaven,her body was buried beside her husband, they were,finaly resting together and their tombstone read : “David and Kiberlee,forever together,Married three years”
It was such a touching and emotional read…my eyes were moist by the time finished with it.

Sujith said...

doc, cudnt read ur blog for quite some time. this is an awesome series.. quite different and passionate. liked the way u built it up..

Anonymous said...

we ve a situation here.. lets all realise one thing first. they were two depressed souls now spendin some gud time together. thats it. now if u think they re beginnin to enjoy their life once again then leave them .. whether its adultery or some quoted divine love or whatevr it be ,its not our business any more. our business was to make them happy. and u re a gud doc. u did it.

kickassso said...

they , If they were capable of feeling love, I bet they were also capable of loving. All of us do crazy things in love.They just didn't let their disablities stand in their way.

the-think said...

They say such a thing might bring each of the patients peace...but if they're both not mentally up to handling the dynamics of love, it can be a terrible disaster.

Praying all ended well for the two of 'em :)

PS: i've always had a love for psychology... :)

hope and love said...

hey..!! im unable to access ur blog.. plz help me out..