Confessions

Geo has tagged me..

:))

so here I go..

5 people who top your shit list..... And why:

1.Men who make snide remarks about women in general. (Brings out the claws in me I suppose)

2.People who cut others down. ( Well we all hate bullies don't we..?)

3.Hypocrites and goody -goodies. ( they bring out the worst in me esp when other people believe them)

4. K.Karunakaran. (I abhor everything about him.)

5. George W Bush. (For obvious reasons)

Close brushes with death/danger:


We had gone to visit my cousiniat Ranni.I was looking forwards to dipping in the Pampa river which flows behind their back yard. Her son came with us but he was in the hostel..Had just come for hisChristmas hols and didn't know that river sand had been removed from the river bed in some of areas he thought were safe..

One minute I was fooling around, my feet firmly on the river bed. we were almost in the centre of the river that was almost dry . And next sec I i found myself going down deep into the water..

I don't know swimming but I was not worried cos peeps knows, and he was standing nearby.

He jumped in and tried to push me towards the banks but it was deeper and deeper there cos the sand had been removed from that .

He kept pushing me up in the air on and off and I would take deep breathes and sink down again like lead.. in between I could see my maid throwing some shawl towards me but I couldnt grasp it.

After some time I could feel his pushes becoming weaker and weaker.. I felt myself going dee
per and deeper and started to suffocate .. I almost lost my consciousnes..

In between I thought of the response of my parents, relatives and friends when they heard about my death..

:(

Then I felt strong hands holding me and pulling me towards the bank..

Some workers on the other side had heard the commotion and dived into the river to save us..

I vomited out some water and felt soooo cold and damp for the next twenty four hours.. later came to know that a woman had died at that spot exactly one week before.. ! and that we should not go to bath at 12 noon.. ghosts comes and pull us down..!!


Peeps was panting with the strain That is the only occasion when I have seen him in a panicked state..

:))

OMG..!

( Geo u made me write something I always block off from my thought Especially the part when I sink deeper and deeper.. feel suffocated and almost lose conciousness)


5 Preferable modes of suicide, in descending order:

I simply refuse to even think about such a morbid thing..!!(even for Geo)

5 Guilty pleasures:


1. Diary milk , milk halva, jilebis.. (those red succulentulent ones), gulab jamun with icecream.. ( I love everything sswwweeeeet)

2.Sleepin round the clock.( good for preventing wrinkles Supposed to be more effective than even visiting a spa.!! )

3.Buying endless no:s of sequined jeweled stilletoes which I rarely use cos im too tall for them and cos they r too harsh on my feet

4.Taking oil massage on every single day. Whether im on night duty or on tour. I skip it only if im on overnight journey..

5.Sittin and dreaming for hours.

5 things you never want to forget:

1.the first glimpse of my babies

2.my grandparents and a fav uncle and a fav aunt who r on the 'other side'

3.my college days.

4.the first time I wore my doc's coat and steth.

5.a soft buttery voice.

5 things you wish to forget

1. my aging :(

2.my morning sickness days :(

3.my ugly duckling days..( I was not a cute and lovely girl child..) :(

4.some unkind relatives :(
.
5.betrayal of a close friend or two. :((


5 really exotic dishes you have tried:

1.frog leg fry.

2.Rabbit meat fry.

3.Kada fry.

4.Pigeon meat fry

( my grandma's sis cooked it for some unexpected guests. She told us only after we had eaten it .. I cried and cried in sadnes and guilt cos we all had loved my grandma's pet pigeons.. )

No nothing more.. only 4 no:s. Geo u made me realize that I need to have more gastronomic
adventures..!

5 crushes/loves in your life... in chronological order (even initials or nicknames wud do. Oh, no ID attempts orpleasests pleez):

1.All those Tall Dark and Handsome Mills and Boon heroes ( thats what made me devour all that stuff..!! Iused to read them even on the nights before my exams keeping them inside my accademic books so that my mom wouldn't find out that i was not studying for my exam..!!
god i was hooked..!!

2.Imran Khan (his masterful arrogance made my knees go weak. )

3.Mel Gibson - (well those sexy eyes and butt could make me swoon even today.. )

4.Jeyan - sexy body, deep voice and the habit of raising one eyebrow..

5. Emran Hasmi.. (Jesus..!!! He is getting better and better..!!)


A weird dream u have had

Me in a crowd when I realise that im the only one in...ahem... my birthday suit.. :))

the rest of the dream comprises of howI try to escape as cooly as possible..!
I get this dream on and off..




5 most valued personal possessions:


1..my wedding ring

2.my diamond nose stud..( it has given me only good luck)

3.my music system ( id die without it)

4. my santro ( well.. I wouldnt mind if it was replaced by a by a brand new car.. )


5.my accademic certificates .

5 favorite superheroes

1.The... giant in alladin's lamp and all those lamps some lucky people find.( who wouldn't love a giant slave who makes all ur wishes come true)

2. Phantom .. handsome, sexy. mystic.. and so debonair and polished when he wore ( unlike Tarzan the ape )i used to be so jelous of diana :))

3.Astrix and Oblix.. (adorable and cute whether they had eaten the majic potion or not ;))

4.Karna of Mahabharata..( so handsome and golden with conjenital golden 'kundals'...poor guy.. was a bastard and his mom too let him down.. my heart used to bleed for him. I hated krishna and arjuna for ganging up against him)

5.Bheema of Mahabharata ( after reading the book randamoozham)


5 people who should pass the parcel )


lash
jagu
esvee
clash
immigrant in canada.

Actually I was reluctant to do this tag cos of lack of time... but i couldnt refuse geo so I did it...

But I enjoyed it...!

I suppose all those confessions have cleansed me.. And made me fit to visit Gangothri.. !!

Well I suppose geo knows the best..

:))

No wonder he is my darling..!!


Ps. Plz excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes. The checker is not workin and I dont have the time nor patience to do it myself.

Tips..?!

We are planning a trip. To the Himalayas. Darjeeling and Simla were considered but later ruled out cos we felt that they were too commercialized...finally we decided to visit Gangothri... and few other places in Uttaranchal...

Pristine virginal snow.. ! Lots of it. .!


Wilderness and silence that makes my heartbeat stop for a second.. And then heart quicken.


The smell of the blue pines . Breathing in the fresh crisp cold mountain air.. green medows..

Watching the morning mist sweeping down the valley cocooned in a blanket.. Sipping sweet tea..

Strolling down quiet country lanes lined with aged chestnut trees, not a sound to be heard except for the sweet chatter of the birds and the gurgling of streams..

Quaint little churches where I can light a candle at dusk

These are what i am seeking for..

But there seems to be a lot of places to choose from.. in Uttaranchal itself..

Any suggestions. Any tips..?

Ooohh..! I feel so excited..!

Dawn by the astamudi lake..

I walked out of the cottage in the predawn darkness. The fact that we were the sole occupants in the resort of twelve cottages filled me with ecstasy. I breathed in the crisp chilly air deeply.... A faint mist hung around..

The Astamudi Lake shimmered in the faint moonlight invitingly.. Mesmerizing me..

I knew that I would find it besides the lake..

The perfect silence that bewitches me.. Tantalize me..

I know it is there.. On the other side of all the chatter around me.. Beyond my grasp.

I can glimpse it here and there.. Behind the palm leaves swaying softly in the wind.. In the bark of huge trees.. between the patter of the raindrops..

I sat down and closed my eyes. Oooooh ..! Yes..! It was coming slowly.. Softly…. Engulfing me.. Sweeping through me…

I let myself go.. Drowning and dissolving in it to my hearts content..

I slowly opened my eyes. The world was stirring awake.. The first streaks of light were breaking out in the eastern sky. The lake shimmered joyfully in the rosy dawn .. Birds twittered... Some swooped down fast into the water and flew away with their prize catch. A cow mowed somewhere..

I sat there.. cocooned .. In the loveliness around me.. Till the sulight was more than I could bear..

Peeps lay fast asleep in the cottage. Food.. Alcohol…. A sexy roll in the bed.. Deep sleep.. That is holiday for him.
:))

He smiled indulgently as I describe my morning experience..

“U missed it.. u should have avoided alcohol ....why do u block out your senses when u are on a holiday.?’ I fail to understand the fascination men have for alcohol during celebrations and holidays..

'You don’t understand.' He laugh lazily.... 'What is a holiday without a good booze..?'

P.S. That was the sight when i opened my eyes..I thought id share the pix with u..

Summer..

In the depth of winter, I finally learned, that within me lay an invincible summer...

-Albert Camus.

Lazy Sundays..

I drove fast. I was late. My gut burned. There had been no time for breakfast. My PMS didn’t help.

It was Sunday. And I was on duty.. For the next twenty four hours.

I had got up late. The aftermath of a late Saturday night watching the idiot box..

My maid takes off on Sundays.

Some damn pipe had broken in the city. There had been water shortage. The milk had curdled on boiling. My boys had hated the breakfast I had fixed in a jiffy. . The house was in a mess...

I knew it would be worse when I came back.. With only three members of the male species left alone for twenty four hours in the house it was bound to be..

Peeps sat and sulked.. He always does when I am on Sunday duty..


The railway gate was shut… I waited impatiently. My hands drummed on the steering wheel. I noticed that my nail polish was chipped.. My irritation mounted. I hate going around with chipped nail polish.. looks so unprofessional..

I watched the people returning home from the Sunday mass and Sunday shopping.. There was a lazy air about them.. I felt envious..

‘Damn.!.’ I was twenty minutes late..Dr Laksmi whom I am supposed to relieve would be furious by now..’

‘Hmm.. The gate was being opened..'

My irritation mounted further as I waited for the confusion to be over.. Auto rickshaws and two wheelers ran crisscross e trying to poke in.. Engines roared.. Horns blared..

I drove faster.. Past the hospital gates.. Towards my parking slot that I guarded jealously..

That was when that the boy ran in front of my car.

My feet jammed on the brakes.. Fast. My heart hammered.. I was sweating.. Adrenalin through my body already burning with PMS.

The young child was running towards a well dressed young woman who was standing by the window of a car.. Chatting to the people in it.. And she had not noticed anything..!

I parked the car and got out. I felt furious. But other than staring at the group maleovalantly there was no time to give them the tongue lashing they deserved..

And my doc act in the hospital is always calm.. and controlled..

Dr Laksmi was waiting.. Impatiently.. I murmured my apologies without giving her any eye contact..
‘Anything special..?’

Op patients would be waiting .. I proffered to attend to them before taking ward rounds.. Being a lazy Sunday, I was the only doc in the block.

‘Yes. One RTA case.. Head injury is suspected.. General condition is bad.. CT scan report is expected any time now.’

I decided to see that patient first.

He was in a bad shape.. Drowsy.. In shock..Multiple injuries.. .. Broken ribs..
I checked his vital signs.. Hmmmm... Ok..

The CT report was brought to me..

OMG..! Extra dual bleed...!

I needed to talk to the relatives.. He should be shifted to a higher center with facility for neuro surgery.. Blood had to be arranged..

I noticed her as I walked out of the ICU…. The young well dressed woman I had noticed in the drive way.. My lips tightened.. I had no time for that irresponsible woman..

She was coming to me.

Close up, the lovely face looked tired.. Her eyes were swollen.. The face flushed. The smartly cut hair needed a wash..

‘Doc how is my husband..?’

‘ Your husband..?’ I was confused .. I had thought that she had come to thank me.. And apologize for her carelessness..

‘Hmm.. Mr. Sharma..’

‘Mr. Sharma..? ‘I was confused..

Then it dawned to me .. OMG..! The RTA case..!

‘Yes doc.. We are from Mumbai.. Came here for a holiday.. Was on the way to Kovalam when the accident occurred..’I don’t know anybody here.. '

She looked bewildered and tired..

‘Oh..! The poor poor girl..’

‘But to whom was u talking in the drive way..?’

‘ The local rotary club members.. My father is a senior member.. He told me to contact the local club..’

‘Blood has to be arranged fast .. He has to be shifted .. I don’t know any hospital here..’

No wonder she had not noticed her toddler dash in front of my car..

Remorse coursed through my body.. I had been so quick to judge her.. Condemn here for being careless..’

Absent maid…. Curdled milk…. Chipped nail polish…. Messy house…. Loss of a lazy Sunday.. None of it was an excuse for being late.. And driving so fast especially in the hospital compound where I am not supposed to honk the horn..

I badly wanted to help..

“Don’t worry, we will help you.. First tell me what your husband’s blood group is”

‘O negative..’ ‘I know that it is a rare group.. ‘

My blood curdled..!

Holy Mary Mother of God..!!

‘O negative ..?’ I stammered.

I remembered my son as I had left him today morning.. Sprawled on the ground.. Reading the Sunday newspapers scattered around him..

Gautam’s blood group is O negative..

O negative.. Universal donor..

But can receive blood only from another O negative person..

And searching for his rare group.. In an emergency.. In a strange place is my deepest dread..

As it is for my mom.

Cos mine is B negative.. Another rare one..

But I would be able to help her.. My close friend owns a blood bank .. I smiled at her.. Calmly..

Searching..

It has come again.. That restlessness...That heaviness in the gut.. That slight lingering pain...That vague longing.. My mind keeps searching ...For what...? I dont know..

Nothing special has happened to me..Then why..?

Does everybody get these feelings at times I wonder..?

Is it given to me..? As a gift..? To seek more from life..?

Laughter..

An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and though intermittent, incurable.

I came across this definition of laughter recently and wanted to share it with you all..

:))

Fuss..!!

Gautams exams have started today....

I know its so silly of me but I felt so emotional..

I went to the church for the morning mass.. ..Both Peeps and Gautam refused to come with me.. Boys and girls waited for the father to come after the mass to his room to get his blessings.. Pens... Books and Heads were offered for blessings..! I waited cos I wanted to pay for a mass to be offered... for his exams.

In the house we lit the candle and prayed before he left.. and we drove him to the school.. Peeps commented that all these would only make him tensed up..I thought Gautam would be irritated with all the fuss but I was surprised.... !He tried to hide it... but he loved the fuss..!!
:))
Shows that my son is still a baby..
And I know that he will kill me if he happens to read this...!
:))

The Book..

"Now it is time
To open your presents.

Gift of tin and glass,
Wear out in a day
And are gone
But I have a better gift for you.

It is a ring for you to wear
It sparkles with a special light and
Cannot be taken away by anyone;
It cannot be destroyed.

You are the only one in the world
Who can see the ring that I give you today .
As I was the only one who could
See it when it was mine .

Your ring gives you a new power.
Wearing it you can lift yourself
Into the wings of all birds that fly .
You can see through their golden eyes,
You can touch the wind that sweeps ,
Through their velvet feathers.

You can know the joy of going up ,
High above the world and all its cares .

You can stay as long as you want
In the sky,
Past the night,
Through sunrise,
And when you feel like
Coming down again,
Your questions will have answers and
Your worries will have gone.

As anything that cannot be
Touched with the hand
Or seen with the eye,
Your gifts grow more
Powerful as you use it.

At first,
You might use it only when you are outdoors ,
Watching the birds with whom you fly.
But later on, if you use it well
It will work with the birds,
You cannot see.

And last of all you will find
That you’ll need,
Neither ring nor bird
To fly alone above
The quiet of the clouds.

And when that day comes,
You must give your gift
To someone you know who will
Use it well,
Who can learn that,
The only things that matter are made
Of truth and joy, and not tin and glass.

Every gift from a friend
Is a wish for your happiness
And so it is with this ring.

Fly free and happy beyond
Birthdays and across forever,
And we’ll meet now and then
When we wish,
In the midst of one celebration that can never end."


And so I finished reading the last lines..Of The book 'There is no such place as far away..' By Richard Bach..

5 yr old Rae invites Bach for her birthday party.. Bach is miles and miles away from her.. The book is about his journey across the deserts... mountains and oceans..

I got the lovely book from the library. It looks like a fairy tale picture book written on pages with lovely watercolor paintings by H.Lee. Shapiroo. There are only one or two lines in each page..
I have typed the line in each page as a stanza.. it is not a poem..


I finished reading it in about 5 mts and then spent the whole day reading it again and again and gazing at the paintings,,,

I had fallen in love with the magic Bach creates in me.. Again…

I wanted the book for myself..

I wondered if I should cheat.. Report loss.. Pay the full amount and keep the book for myself..
I have done it once.. For an old tiny book of classical poems.. With an exquisite picture for each poem.

I simply couldn’t bear to part with it..


After dinner I called Peeps and Gautam to sit besides me.. I wanted Gautam to read the book.. Aloud.
“Oh! No! I want to watch ‘American idol’ … He looked alarmed..

“Plz baby..” I begged..

“OMG!! philosophy..!!” He exclaimed.. turning the pages.. “It will be boring mama.”.

“Plz..” I begged again.
"You will like it..”

“Read it . It will hardly take hardly five minutes”. Peeps said..

He knows what a stubborn beggar I can be..

:))

"plz.. plz.. "I begged again. I wanted them both to enjoy the book..

Gautam started to read.. Fast...

His feet tapped impatiently.. He wanted to get over with it..

I watched my son read the lovely book. He was slowly getting absorbed in the words..

He glanced at the paintings in between. His body started to relax. The words slipped out soft and sweet..

He was surrendering to the magic.. He too was falling in love..

And so was my hubby..!

I decided to not cheat this time.. I would try to buy the book from somewhere…

'Me'

The most important person in my life is ‘Me.’

My best companion…..

‘Me’ has to be satisfied.

I should listen to what ‘Me’ has to tell me.

I need silence, solitude and guts for that.

Then ‘Me’ will show me the path I should choose.

And then I should take the responsibility of my decisions.