You are the essence of essence.... Be sure of what you look for... It is you...It is in you..
Thursday, January 04, 2007
I sat in the car waiting for the class to be over. It was getting late than usual..Prof M.J’s drone could be heard faintly through the mike. I felt happy that we had chosen this place for Gautam’s entrance coaching.
Expensive yes. Strict too.. But Gautam liked it. And the timings were ok
I remembered those long lost days... Preparing for admission in the med school. Reading… re-reading. Writing…. As if life depended on it...Tutions..Tests..
It had not been so easy for us...
My parents had supported. Vaguely.
Now it was different. Parents put their entire life on hold those two years. Taking the kids to tuitions and coaching centers. In the wee hours of morning. Or late night… the city roads unsafe even for boys to travel alone during such odd hours.
We had chosen this place cos of two reasons. One, Gautam liked it. And two, the timings were ok.
5.pm to 9pm three days in a week. At least the family could sleep..!!
I gazed around. Parents stood in groups. Chatting. Some like me preffered the solitude in their cars.. cherishing the time alone. Lost in their thoughts. Listening to music.
The wind blew in playing with my tendrils. My cheeks felt cold. The December air was misty. Chilly.
I switched on the FM station.
‘Maniyara deepam ananjal pinna karimizhi random nanayaruthe..’
I listened idly as KJ yesudas crooned deeply. The lover was consoling and strengthening his departing beloved. He was begging her... to never permit her deep dark eyes to be wet once the lantern was dimmed on her nuptial night.
I sighed. and leaned back on my seat.
That was when I noticed her. She stood in the shadows. Close to the wall of a house, a few meters ahead. She wore a purple nylon sari. The borders draped tightly… Suggestively… Over her bulges. Her hair was teased into tendrils around her face and loosely plaited,decorated with jasmine flowers. Her lips were painted blood red.
She looked …well….. Ready for action..
I watched riveted as I saw car lights coming up the street. She too saw it and stepped out from the shadows. Her movements controlled. Sure.
The car moved ahead without slowing down.
She coiled back into the shadows with equal ease.
I watched her. Fascinated. Curious. I wish I could talk to her but didn’t dare to.
How did you land up here in the shadows? Ready to sell the softness of your skin. The lushness of your curves. The skill of your lips…?
I wanted to know.
Innocence? Desperation..? Pure greed…?
Do you dread tonight? Or are you just not bothered? Seasoned by your past. Hardened by practice. Shrouded by numbness.
I could see her talking rapidly into her cell. I remembered reading somewhere that life was easier for them with the advent of cell phones. They could do their own networking now..
Do you have dreams..? I wanted to know. Will your kid hate you?
Why does everyone hate you..?
The sound of engines starting up woke me from my thoughts.
The class was over. Boys and girls were coming out chattering loudly. I sat wand watched mutely as she lurked back into the shadows again.. Eager to escape from the car beams.
Why was hr car not coming? Maybe he was waiting for everyone to leave….
Maybe he was parked among us.
The doors opened and shut forcefully as Gautam and his two friends clambered in noisily
‘Lock the doors.’
I orderd mechanically, Starting the engine
I glanced at her as we moved ahead. She was burying herself into the shadows. Her back to me. her pallav covering her body...
I kept watching her through the rearview mirror.
“Goodbye..Hope your car comes soon. Hope he is good to you. “
I wished silently..
I thought about her again as I drifted off to sleep that night.
“Where are you now..?”
‘Maniyara deepam ananjal pinna karimizhi random nanayaruthe”
“I know that you are not doing this for yourself.” I wanted to tell her.
“Continue your good work.”
Positive thinking for prostitutes..!!!.
I smiled sleepily.
Posted by hope and love at 1/04/2007 03:19:00 PM
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Hmmm.. Most of us would not even bothered to look twice and here you made a Blog Entry out of it...:) Jokes aside..It left me with a feeling that I always felt... That life is just not fair...to most.
Happy New Year again Doc...
Hey First time to your blog....Beautiful Writing :-)) Left a different thought and lasting feeling !!!
doc you write so beautifully!! I would like to think that she was there on her own free will and was not forced into it.
p.s since u have moderated comments you can remove word verfn :)
oops didn't see that you have removed moderation :))
The exact thoughts struck me couple of days back...as I saw ladies haggling with a man...apparently he got the job done but was not willing to pay the money agreed upon...
so well written... these days i think in kerala its more of choice and that woman's reading of her needs and social situation. atleast with the cellphone she doesnt have to suffer the pimp these days.
Wish you and family a very Happy 2007!
Happy new year to you and your family.Was sad after reading this post.wonder what makes a person become a prostitute.Is it lack of self esteem, the only means of providing for one's family or is one forced into a profession such as this.I really dont think the person likes themselves after it is over.I like the way you wrote this post, was very descriptive and almost real.
Its just business.... and money. Profit is the deciding matter; sell your body and earn your profit. For those who dont have the skill sets to thrive in the current society; you can either be a fool or be a prostitute( male or female).
Lets hope.. Porn movie making will become the next biggest money earning business in India. Hmmm so much of unexploited resources..
Its considered to be the oldest profession, may be utterly detested but it passed the test of time; Evryones role model -U.S.A, even have a Socialist Porn Actress- Nina Hartley.
The new order "all is about being a professional" for that even body is not a hindrance. The system makes them; They teach them to be professional. Its all about money and for some about lust. But the latter rarely matters! Its not anymore puritanical- This world, but we feel so.
Well... I've heard these kind of things happen now in Kerala. From what you have written, she seems to have been there on free will or sheer greed.
hmm..who knows the otherside of story!!
Who knows what forces one for doing all this..hmmmm...
I just don't know what to say ...
I wonder whether anyone chooses to become a prostitute unless and until there is some reason for it!
Ur post reminded me of my poem
An appendage: Prostituion is directly proprtional to the false and facade social morality that we think we hold.
It seems to be an easy way out!
well its something that has always confused me.. how do these women feel.. do they feel trapped..? do they hate it ? r they not bothered ? or do they enjoy it ? and y do they continue it ? do they have a choice to escape?
why r they hated so much by the society ?
dont women in other areas of life too use their phyical charms for personal gains ?
point one - i see an extremely refined writing style this time. :)
Point 2 - why do everyone hate them is wrong question. I dont hate them and i dun think u too either.
Point 3 - At one point of my life i had this fascination for sex workers and wanted to know more about their lives family and all. Then some where down the line i learned i had to accept people the way they are. Now the first step in doing that was to get rid of this fascination i held for them and their lives. As long as i fascinate i am not treating them as normal. The moment i consider them as one among me, the moment i equate them with my mom or my sister, i am no more curious or fascinated by their life styles. It's very difficult to do that, because no matter how hard we try, at the back of our mind we have the tendency to separate good from bad. To get rid of this fascination, we need to rub those labels of good and bad away and i am trying to do that. Again this will lead imperatively to another question - why do we use the term prostitutes? isnt that a way to separate out the rest of the women from the? It is. So if our feeling of sympathy for them is genuine, i guess we should first treat them as Women. Call them women, not prostitues.
Long time ...no see no..hehe...u still have the same feel in your blogs kewl..keep it up...i liked the consistency...
point one.. u know y...
point two.. its not what they do is good or bad that im curious and fascinated .. its cos they r surviving the society with all its double standards and hypocrisy. i dont think they r not without a choice .. and im fascinated by their ablity to plough ahead inspite of all the odds..
point three .. i dont agree.. why not call them that.. y the taboo against the name 'prostitute'.. ?
welcome back..!! and thanks a lot..!
hey anu ....once again came across face of reality.........
this world u can never understand...
she might be forced or might not be........
but any ways u have described the moment u came across very well
Rarely do they come into this field on their free will.
Most of them are forced, tricked or sold into it.
Most of them are trapped for life, in that vicious Dark world.
Some of them keep trying to get out, in vain.
Rarely, one or two make it to the so called ‘normal life’.
What we could do is:
..Stop being judgmental.
..When you meet one of them, I mean one on one,
treat them as a normal person.
..Realize that they are not here to entice and use your
sons, husbands, fathers or boyfriends.
It always happens the opposite way.
its not a matter of her...
its a matter of society....
society in which u,myself,our children all are included
for high class - its for enjoyment
but for low class - "MONEY"
cicumstances take people to a point where they (rather anyone) wud have least expected..
some dance to remember,
some dance to forget..
I used to enjoy x with men of different types, but not for money.
I know many such people. How do u brand them and wats your opinion?
vikas, txs dear
fobsie.. hmmm maybe u r right..
meera yes its cos of the society but what i meant was once she has chosen her path she should try to enjoy it..
wow ! great line..!
whats the need to brand anyone ? each one to his own.. as long as it doesnt hurt another person.. as long as it gives lasting happiness not instant gratification alone.. as long as it is done out of choice..
and lastly who am i to judge..?
Even God does not propose to judge a man or women till the end of his/her days.Why should I or U?
good one doc..!
while reading this, there is a feeling that u hav something bad in mind abt such people. My policy is to enjoy max! If u get chances u can also. The diff is made by the society, y should there be a moral police. Afterall morality is a fals image for all of us, dont u agree?
observer, hmm true..
i was just wondering how it would be to do it for money.
This is a beautiful writeup Doc.
Well, your questions in the comment section caught my attention. :-)
do they feel trapped..? In the initial stage, perhaps. Most of them have same stories to tell. Coming to the city and being trapped by the crawlers, or choosing the profession to get rid of the poverty in the house, or being thrown away into this after her lover dumps her... I really do not think they "enjoy" it. It becomes like a routine.
do they hate it ? I'm sure they do. Who would want to be treated an an outcast by the society and even by their customers in the daylight?
r they not bothered ? Perhaps they are not. Because once they're into this, they dont have a second choice.
and y do they continue it ? money and survival. you get a whole lot of money than working as a servant or any such jobs.
why r they hated so much by the society ? Women hate them because they envy them from the thought that the men go to them for their "sexual satisfaction". Remember the old saying that "oru lakshanamotha pennu kidapparayil purushanu vesyaye poleyaayirikkanam"? Men hate them because society in general consider sex as a taboo and prostitutes as the ugliest people in the society, perhaps along with goondas. So they dont openly want to keep in company with prostitutes.
dont women in other areas of life too use their phyical charms for personal gains ? very important question. I think the answer would be right. Right from a labourer job to the corporate level.
Non judgemental , dispassionate. Really liked the writing style :)
good :) instead of hate!.. few question to know things :). good thing!
hey nice pic in the blog!
I guess thats how life it is!
Sometimes not fair and Just!
Doctor , Extremely post and writing style is very touchy.
There are two kinds of prostitutes and as some one pointed out no one chooses to be a prostitute unless there is a reason behind it. One kind do it for money and to support an extravagant life style . The other kind do it to support themselves or their family , for their daily bread.
From what you have written , the lady seems to be of first kind.Whatever Sometimes I admire the will of those women of second kind in worlds oldest profession who have the courage to swim against social morality standards as long as they are not doing it for lust or to support their extravagant ,lifestyle.
There is this famous novel Nana by Emile Zola which describes the life of Nana , the highest paid prostitute in Paris.It is totally filmsy but gives us an overview of the life and how is it to do 'that' for money.
Do keep writing , your posts are very good and touchy.
hey, this is a beautiful post.
I like the way you started with the somewhat burned out & wearily mechanical quality of life these days[It feels so at times...]
The questions you ponder over are interesting. I wonder where the moral line is or ought to be? why does it feel unpleasant (if it does)? Is it the prostitute or their clients that irk us?
personally I find it weird bcos I dont know if I could befriend a prostitute.. much less introduce him/her to other friends. And I think that implies a certain level of disapproval.
I am tempted to elaborate that its not a matter of judging ppl based on idealistic morals. but just seems socially complicated & awkward.
hello where u?????????
Hi. I've read your entries and you certainly have a distinctive style of writing. :) My opinion: About this particular incident, it's a known fact that though some prostitutes become what they are because of poverty and helplessness, there are some who enter the profession because they enjoy it. Maybe we may not like to think so, but there are people who see nothing wrong with it. Could be moral decadence in the society or maybe just personal likes? I dunno.
Just stumbled across this blog and this entry particularly - Man, what an inane discussion! Hope&Love, here's the challenge. If you want to know what it's like to DO IT for money, just go out and DO IT FOR MONEY. Direct experience teaches best. But of course you wont do it that way because of fear and conditioning. So it's a waste of time speculating. Next best is to pick up some books written by whores and read them; there's a lot of good literature out there. Find it. Well, perhaps next best would be to actually go out there into those shadows and befriend one such creature and bring her home with you! But, no,of course not, you're too respectable to do that. And then, God forbid, what if she corrupts your son? Think again. Your fascination might just be an expression of your own repressions!
Strange request, but can u tell me from which song u have put the lines - about 'mizhi nanayaruthe'.....
i dont remember the movie.. the songs goes like this..
priyasakhi poi varu ninakku nanmakal nerunnu.. pranasakhi poi varu ninakku nanmakal nerunnu..
maniyara vethil adackuumbol nin karalum maiyum pidayaruthe..pidayaruthe maniyara deepam ananjal pinna karimizhi randum nanayaruthe.. nanayaruthe..
nanathal oru naivaidyam nee prana priyanu nalkenam.. karayaruthiniyum en kadhayorthen karale vazhuka sukamai..
its a beautiful haunting song.. sorry but i dont remember the movie. if u give me ur email id il let you know if i find it sometime..
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