Monday, November 28, 2005
She looked at me scornfuly.. Her smile was confident
Anger bubbled up my gut..My head throbbed.. I felt frustrated.
But then it was her choice.. I kept silent..
She had come to me with a history of missed periods.
A smart young woman.. Sharp features.. Hair in a tight ponytail.. Mother of a two yr old girl.. She was a clerk in a bank.
But somehow I failed to connect with her..
Human bonding is important for me..Especialy when I deal with people professionaly. That’s what keeps me going …
Her pregnancy test was positive.
“Hmmm good news..! You are pregnant..!”
I smiled at her.
“Yes. I had expected it”. She was cool.
“ I want an abortion”
“Abortion..?” I was surprised.. “why?”
“I am planning to appear for The Bank Officer’s test.. Have to prepare for it.. Besides that I want only one child.”
“Then why didn’t you go for a permenant sterlisation..? At least you could have taken some temporary precaution..”
‘We use condoms usually.. But once or twice....” she shrugged..
I felt irritated.. I have seen many women like her.. Who are so casual about these things..
“At least go for a sterlisation along with your abortion.” I pressed.
“No.. See.. I don’t know.. I have a girl now.. I may want a boy later..”
She was so cool.. dammnnit..!!
“Maybe this one is a boy..” I hated myself for saying that… Using that to cajole her..
No. I don’t want a child now..” she laughed casualy..
“But repeated abortions can harm your health..” I told her..
She looked at me scornfuly.. her smile was confident.
I knew there was not much I could say.. she would find a gyenecologist who would cook up some indication for an abortion for her..
I felt indignant after she left..she had had least intrest in what I had to tell her.I felt irritated with myself.. for trying to advice her..
I would never undergo an abortion I thought.. The guilt would be terrible..
I Remembered what Rene had told me ..
About four years back.
She had come to me with pain lower abdomen...Mother of two kids.. Lap sterlisation done.. She missed her periods.
The bonding had been instantaneous..
I advised a pregnacy test and A scan to rule out ectopic pregnancy..Failure of lap sterlisation was not unheard of.And her lower abdominal pain was worrying me ..
The cell rang to wake me from my nap tha afternoon ..
It was Rene on the other side..
“Doc.. shall we come to your house now..?” Her voice was tearful..
She knew that I rarely saw patients in my home..
“Ok. Come along..” I soothed..
Her face was flushed as she walked in..I read the reports silently..
Yes she was pregnant.. But thankfuly the pregnancy was Intrauterine not Ectopic..
“Well… You can consider an abortion ..”
I had to offer her that since it was a case of sterlisation failure..Rene started to cry.. Like a child..Then she rubbed her tears away…
“ I will have to have this baby.. I cant consider abortion.. I know it will be difficult to manage..”“But I could never consider an abortion..” she gazed at me tearfuly..
“ I know it will be difficult.. But it will be worth it..” I soothed..
I smiled at her warmly..
The boy is two and a half years old now.. He has started to attend play school..
Two women..Facing almost the same situation .. But the paths they chose were so different..
Who am I to judge..?
I only hope that I will never be in a mental state to consider abortion as an option..
Decisions appear to be difficult sometimes..But certain values that you refuse to give up.. Certain bottom lines you refuse to cross .. can simplify everything..
Later it makes you realise that it was the only path that you could choose..