Thursday, June 22, 2006

CHIVALRY...


“Vasectomy..??”

He looked at me in alarm…As if I had suggested castration..

“Yes vasectomy.”.

I spoke sweetly. Hiding the anger and disgust rising within me..

“But I will have to undergo anesthesia..”

“It can be done under local anesthesia..”

“I wont be able to go for work..! I will need rest..”

“Just a few days only.. you are a clerical staff.. you can go for work.”.

“Side effects..?”

“What side effects..? Nothing..” I was starting to enjoy myself..

She sat there staring at him with hopeful eyes.. Eagerly hoping that he would agree..

The man who had promised to cherish her.. protect her..


His wife the mother of his three kids.. She had undergone three caesarians..

And three induced abortions..


Why couldn’t he take up a bit of pain..?

Was chivalry something you read only in romantic novels..? Not to be expected in marriage..?



She was missing her periods again..

Her caesarians had been in a mission hospital that didn’t do family planning procedures..
His company paid for treatment there.. So she had not been sterilized even though her abdomen had been cut open thrice..

Our hospital was conducting a free laproscopic sterilization camp..

Someone had motivated them to come for the camp..

The surgeon was a bit reluctant.. there was bound to be adhesions inside the abdomen after the three surgeries.. passing in the laproscope and navigating it to ligate her fallopian tubes would be difficult..


The anesthetist was reluctant.. she had a history of allergic asthma.
.
He had created some nuisance in the ward when he was asked to sign the consent form for the surgery.. asking hundred and one questions to the duty nurse.. that’s why she sent him to me..

“I suggest that you undergo vasectomy and spare her from all these risks..” I smiled sweetly..”

“Anyway medical termination of her current pregnancy can be considered only after one of you undergoes a permanent sterilization procedure..”

I was firm.. I knew he wanted that.. didn’t want the burden of one more child..

He started to squirm on his seat.
.
“Well… what do you say..? There is definite risk for her.. I can understand your reluctance to sign the consent form.. “

I was really enjoying myself now..

Cos he didn’t want any risk for himself. was willing to put his wife to risk..but was not willing to sign the consent form.. wanted to blame the surgeon probably if something happened..

“Well what do you say..?” I persisted..

He wouldn’t look at me..

I leaned back on my chair..

“There is a definite risk for your wife. even though she is willing to undergo the procedure.” I couldn’t help making the dig..

“You can undergo vasectomy instead.. The procedure is much simpler and you are a healthy man.. I drove in the point..

“Hmmm.. hmmm.”...

I shall think about it.. He started to rise.. He wanted to make good his escape

“ I don’t think you have a choice.. abortion shall be considered only after one of you has undergone permanent sterlisation..and the surgeon is reluctant to do lap sterilization for her.”
.
He had vasectomy two days later.. he was sullen .. brooding … probably scared about his self-image... About his masculinity..

She underwent MTP two days later. ..quietly.. no fuss..

Didn’t she know that she had a choice..? I wondered.. Why were her needs not given importance..?


To use contraception..? To find a surgeon who would do sterilization along with her caesarian..?

To refuse abortion..?

Maybe she didn’t have choices.. I told myself.. Only he had that privilege..

After all he was the breadwinner.. Wasn’t he..?

29 comments:

starry nights said...

That was a beautifully written post, sad because the man was willing to place his wife at risk, I dont know what it is with having a vasectomy, I went through the same thing, but after two kids decided I have to take controll over my body and had a tubal.

Alexis Leon said...

Sad and bad. But you made her life a little easier. Good work doc.

Sarah said...

She didn't hv a choice Anu.. she didn't.. it doesn't matter, if you are educated, double master's degree holder or a plain village lass... it just doesn't matter.. there are no choices.. Man is supreme.his needs are supreme.. the rest are just casualities of war....being a woman..that is our sin

Sujit said...

nice post!! if breadwinner doesn;t mean he does not have reposibility for the rest?.. you did a good job making him to agree..!

silverine said...

God!!! This makes me so mad!! Such men should be castrated !!!

justme said...

looked at wikipedia and found out what vasectomy was..!!
now lemme understand the post..!!

pophabhi said...

Great post and you did a great thing, Doc! Cheers!

Manini said...

you sure did your bit..
but a lot could have been done by the ladies ( the mans wife and mom) too..
a little resistance every day goes a long way in insuring that u dont end up as a door mat or taken for granted or make a man a devil..
I guess its the same when one raises children.. need to teach them to think of others too..

MrAnveshi said...

Nice post, Doc! This makes me too... so mad!! Like what expressed by silverine, such men should be castrated...

Dinma said...

You are doing a great job doc. I was just passing by and decided to pop in. Im impressed.

samrina said...

Great job doc, well done:)

Hope u doing fine there.

Takecare.

Bittu's Mamma said...

ohh sad! Why couldn’t he take up a bit of pain..while she....?
Doc,thats very true, she didn't have choices :( But u helped her a lot! Good job Doc.

By the way I have tagged you for a meme. Please check it out :)

Arti Honrao said...

Sad but true ...
I have to agree wid Sarah!
and I know it is extreme but I feel like agreeing wid Silverine too :)
Abt my personal opinion apart from agreeing wid folks out here ...
unfortunately am neck deep in my own prbs unable to think and comment



GBU
Arti

Mind Curry said...

i think that bias reflects deeply in every aspect of our bloody society. i call it bloody because we hang onto an outrageous social system based on hypocritic values and so called culture, while displaying neither.

the fact that our hospitals conduct only free lap sterilization camps and not free vasectomy camps reflects that bias indirectly.

even for infertility, the wives are pushed for surgeries. after many surgeries and tests, our man comes for a simple SA and finds he has no sperms. even then the mother-in-law comes to the picture to somehow cover that fact!

outrageous!

hope and love said...

starry nights, alexis,
sad isnt it..?
sarah,
i can understand what you are talking abt..
sujith,
i was wrong..its not just money power that he has.. its muscle power too..
and thats why she has no choice..
silverine.. true but that too will boomerang on her only isnt it..?
:))

justme.. scared after reading all this stuff..?
:))
pophabi, txs.
manini, u r right.. women mut be taught to be assertive.
MrAnveshi,dinma, samrina,bittus mama
txs a lot..
matt,
i wholeheartedly agree with you..the society is so bloody and hypocritical.. makes me want to gag at times..
our hospital conducts free vascectomy camps.. the incentive is a free trip ti Oooty..!! but hardly one or two men turn up..
and infertility.. how the dirty ego of the man and his family..adds to the suffering of the woman.. i think il have to dedicate a post for that..
:))

Dawn....सेहर said...

Awesome I was enjoying when you were saying ...you were enjoying :D...!
I liked it ...as Men still have this thinking that they are superior than women..!!!
You are a great doc I must say...as you are not only curing the patients but the actual pain and doing justice :D
;) kudos to you my dear
Cheers

quills said...

Very good post. I am glad you wrote about it. The injustice and the humiliation the women have to suffer in certain quarters still continues but I am very happy to see that you stood your ground and made the man, well even if he did not really see reason, atleast given no alternatives.

Dr O2 said...

well medically Candoms are to both side's benefit! Simple, cost-effective n safe. But when it comes to so many abortions, there is no doubt that the guy is at fault!! Did they have to use the WITHDRAWAL system for birth-control??

P.S: Men are way more sensitive when it comes to them taking action towards sterilization. No matter where on this planet it seems!

Jaguuu said...

Hmmm.....

Hate to admit it But most of us guys are MCP's....

I am so glad that You make difference in so many ways to so many people. God Bless u Doc :X

silverine said...

"silverine.. true but that too will boomerang on her only isnt it..? :))
ROFL Good one doc !!!

lash said...

doc i just wanted u to know that i am very very very busy these days and thast y i am not getting to read any blogs... i guess this will go on for a month or two atleast... i will read whenevr possible... take care..

V N said...

holo,

i remember once, being at a national conference on women's rights. i was to talk on the ever declining social status and the ever increasing educational status of women, when a colleague of mine with a doctoral degree, vociferously having done her presentation, whispered to me, that hubby dear back in kerala, wudnt think too nice of her having travelled alone with me on a localtrain, the night b4. says a lot, doesnt it?

;)

Ekta said...

disgusting to say the least!! Well neat topic!
Gawd..such MCP's are the ones who are responsible for the misery of so many women ard!
Unfrotunately it is equally the woman's fault to ler her being treated like a door-mat and not learn to put her foot down!

madhavan kutty said...

Oh! He thought he had a choice didn't he? (Not his fault entirely, he is the product of a culture that promotes male superiority.) Until he met somebody with an iron will- at least in matters medical!
Keep up the good work, Doc!

hope and love said...

txs everybody..
:))

samuru999 said...

So well written!
Thank you.

Maya Cassis said...

grrrrr...it's always like this :(

Lekshmi said...

A touching post. No matter how much forward we are, the responsibility of conceiving when he wants, not to conceive if he does not want and destroy the unwanted life-bud if he does not want always lies on the woman only.

anumita said...

Usually the case with men! They think it's the woman's fault she gets pregnant when not needed and she can always get it aborted. Believe me, all men thank god for not getting pregnant!