Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Realization


She sat before me. Dressed in white… Saggy face wrinkled with time. Thinning silvery hair...The dulling eyes stared into mine... The nose stud twinkled.
My role was to break the bad news. That she had carcinoma stomach.. Progressed beyond surgical cure... we could give Chemo a try. But it could ransack her frail body. She had other complication too... diabetes... hypertension...
To treat or not..?
Her two sons and one daughter were unable to reach a decision.
They wanted me to find out what she felt...
I looked into the eyes………dull solemn eyes... with hundreds of tales to tel...
The warmth of her father’s chest... the tenderness of her mom’s touch...
Moonlight... The intoxicating smell of the damp earth ..and a soft buttery voice.. whispering her name...
The molten pain of goodbye...
An alien house... Her body being plundered by a man she hardly knew…
Warm brawling babies nestling on her breasts ..as love almost like pain shooted through her...
His proud smile as she lit the first fire in their own home...
Quiet evenings spent listening to him talking... about his dreams for their babies.
.Holding the cold body of her 12yr old... and pleading with the silent heavens …to take her life too
More monsoons...
Marriages... grandchildren...
Sitting besides him... holding his hands... and feeling him slip away...
Slowly... softly—silently...
I had finished speaking...
To treat or not..?
The solemn eyes gazed into mine. “Just sooth away the pain baby... she whispered I need only peace...”
I waited for more words... but no...
She had taken the burden of the decision for her children’s sake...
I rang the bell and asked the attendant to let the children in...
She got up to leave. Then turned back...
“Had a wonderful life... should have realized it at the time...” she smiled...
My eyes filled... A lump formed in my throat..I smiled back...

18 comments:

clash said...

life is about good,bad and the worst, its rarely a realization. its an essential truth!

silverine said...

I haven't read anything more sad or beautiful as this post in a long while.

kvmurali32 said...

Looking back.. things mostly look great if not splendid!
I've met many who've felt that way (I'm one of them too)
Maybe we've been very demanding with the present... or a bit leanient with the past :)

the-think said...

...and how is she now?

Geo said...

Some pleasant incidents also, please...
I would still like to believe that this world of ours is a good place to live...

Don’t think me will last as long as ur heroine did or will be confronted with such a dilemma. In today’s fast paced world, the candle gets burned at both the ends, ensuring you will be all done and finished in plain 40 years… ;_) and that too either a cardiac arrest or a rode accident. :_))

Anonymous said...

Yeh! That's great. I'll keep my eye on the progress!
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hope and love said...

clash..
i didnt get you.. dull of me..?
:))
silverine,
txs..!! u made my day..!!
parna,
ya greatness in the ordinary..
mll,
very true..
TT,
i saw her only a few days back..
geo,
ok . im also feeling that my posts r gettin too morbid..
:))
anon,
txs.let me visit ur site

Dewdrop said...

Hey Hope&Love,
Sounds like you an oncologist. Im sure you mustve been through even the worst situations of confronting cancer patients. It only takes courage and prudence to the job you are into. Kudos
And yes, your writings are very compassionate and eloquent. Thanks for your comment on my blog.

-Poison- said...

do you support euthanasia?

-Poison- said...

dont get me wrong...i asked the question about euthanasia in a general sense...

hope and love said...

dewdrop..(lovely name):))
no im a pathologist.. i reported the carcinoma in this case..
im also their family doc (out dated concept huh..?)thats why i talked to her.
poison.. its a very complicated issue involing a lot of moral and ethical values.. plz read a previous post of mine.. DIGNITY.. and the comments iv tried to touch the issue of euthanasia in it..

hope and love said...

poison.. the post is in the archives.. april 2005

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anumita said...

This has been written really well. The emotions are so graphic.