Thursday, July 28, 2005

Maybe..


Sabeera beevi’s husband told her that the smell in his breath was that of the 'tincture' he had taken for stomach upset... that was on the third day of her marriage...
A shy 18yr old from an orthodox Muslim family her husband was her God. Her parents were proud of the match...
It took her a few more days to realize that her God was a drunkard...
She was beaten up by him within twelve weeks of married life... she was pregnant at that time...
He was a loving husband during his dry spells... He promised that he would stop his drinking... she would trust him...
She delivered a male baby and then the next one in two years.
By then she was used his violence.
She had been punched in her gut... kicked in her lower abdomen... marked with his belt ..several times..... Her head had been hammered on the wall … she had been hit on the head with a stool…arm twisted till she pleaded for mercy...
She would just sit in a corner and cry her heart out...
She had quiet moments of happiness too .. playing with her babies.. embroidering cute figures for her boy’s cloths…
Quiet evenings during his dry spells ..cooking lovingly for her family while she waited for her Man to come home... Listening to the sound of her boys reading loud from the bedroom... and soft music playing on the transistor on the kitchen shelf...When she would be quietly happy and believe that he would give up drinking forever and everything would be fine.
But the dry spells became shorter and shorter...
She started running out to other quarters when he started to beat her... crying for help... her sons helped her... always kept the doors open...
Then they started to jump in between the parents... their father kicked them away... but they flew back howling and crying...
Years passed and the boys got more stubborn... they were open to him...' they wouldn’t permit it... he could drink if he wanted but he couldn’t hurt her anymore...'
He started non cooperation .. refused to support his "ungrateful" family... sulking... disappearing for days together...
"She was a bitch..!. She had ganged up his own sons against him...”
She started tailoring for the families in nearby quarters ... She went from door to door selling cloths...she had to support her sons...
When I met her she was a fat woman in her forties with chubby cheeks, light brown eyes and an infectious smile. She would sell cloths on installment payment basis among the hospital staff...
Stitch for them too...
I wondered how this woman who had suffered so much could smile so easily... she would come to me for painkillers for the neck pain she got from long hours spent stitching cloths...
She came to see me today...
She was upset... needed money to pay fees for her son... he had got admission for BSC nursing...Her husband had no money... he was sulking... blaming her ..
I consoled her and arranged a bank loan for her son’s studies... she thanked me tearfully and left...
I felt sad. For her... for her sons... for her husband...what made him behave so badly...?’I wondered... Some personality disorder probably.....’
Maybe one day he would realize his wife’s worth. His sons feeling... his responsibilities... ..Unlikely...
Maybe one day she would find happiness... when her sons were well settled... when she held her grandchildren in her arms... when her husband realized her worth...
She would find the happiness she dreamed of in her kitchen...
On quiet evenings spent cooking for her family...waiting for her Man to come home...
Listening to her sons reading loudly from the bedroom and music playing softly on the transistor on the kitchen shelf...

16 comments:

Geo said...

Hard to believe that the arch typical "drinking, wife-beating" husbands and "all-suffering, obedient" wives still exist in our society. Easy to ignore the harsh reality when u live in a world of business executives and software professionals.

Would still prefer to believe that the incidents you are describing here are hand picked ones and not representative samples.

MitzieBitchie said...

Nice one!.. Drop me a line........

കെവിന്‍ & സിജി said...

ഇത്തരം അച്ഛന്മാരെ ഏറെ കണ്ടു വളർന്ന ഒരു നാട്ടിൻ പുറത്തുകാരനായതു കൊണ്ടായിരിയ്ക്കും, ഒരു പക്ഷേ എനിയ്ക്കത്ഭുതം തോന്നാതിരിയ്ക്കുന്നതു്. നിങ്ങൾ എഴുതുന്നതു്, കരയാത്ത അമ്മമാർ മാത്രമുള്ള ഒരു നല്ല കാലത്തിനു കാരണമാകട്ടെ എന്നാത്മാർത്ഥമായി ആശിയ്ക്കുന്നു.

hope and love said...

geo, maybe its not that extreme ..but i think that the incidents i describe are only a tip of the iceberg..
mitziebitchie, txs.
kevin,im touched by ur words.. ya.. i too hope so.

Parna said...

why is it that there are more and more real-stories about abuse? or maybe it was always there. but NOW people are coming out with them.

what is the way out of it for the person who has no family (when the sons had not come) and financial support, i wonder

the-think said...

You seem to meet such amazing individuals :)
part of the profession?

GorgeouslyGeorgina said...

uhmmm..you got me thinkin bout that huh?..well im just a newbie here..so im really hopin id enjoy the blogging and stuffs! visit me in my profile.. cheers!!!!!

hope and love said...

parna.. is there a way out..? i think its very difficult.. thats what me so sad abt it..
TT.. i meet lot of rotten ones too..
:))
GG.. txs.

Samudraa said...

good writting,u can do better though.

and yeah,i believe in commenting on the way u communicate the message rather the message itself :)

injinuity said...

ah alcoholism..... thats something i detest from the bottom of my heart... I am a tetotaller but ironically its my who always pours the drinks at parties even though I don't drink....

dfg said...

Hi
Very touching one....when i did my HND back in Sri Lnka i did come across people like that from the nearby shanty town....i felt bad as i could not help them ....
most of the men who do this would say next morning that they were unaware...but that is bullshit...
bcos if the young ones can enjoy after drinking why cant they...it is all in their mind...

Keep it coming
Prakash

Tricksand said...

This is where both society law and conciousness fails together...Live With It OR Leave it....
Ne way nice work doc...this is a real help less situation where theories and philosophy doesn't work much

hope and love said...

samudra.. txs.. il try.
:))
injinuity.. i find it difficult to absorb..
:))
why do you support something u detest..?
i am not against drinking.. i drink.. serve it too.. it is when the barriers are crossed that it becomes a problem.. as i had written the basic cause is some personality disorder the individual is having..
prakash.. i agree with u..
yes dhyanam.. its that helplessness that makes me sad..
live with it or leave it.. but leaving a marraige is not easy.. how many women can take such a desision..? and im not talking abt the uneducated or unemployed women here..

Anonymous said...

what abt the ppl who are abused by non-alcoholic husbands???

It's not only the ones who drink...it is easy to blame it on alcoholism...but though drinking does enhance the chances of violence, there are plenty of abusive ppl who have never had any alcohol.

anumita said...

Really sad. But glad you could help her with the loan.

love spells for marriage said...

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